Sometimes all you need is a place to think. A place where you can keep out the rest of the world. A place where you can relax. A place where you can express your feelings. A place where you can hide the darkest corners of your soul. A place that you can leave whatever piece of you and no one will ever find it again. Not even you.
She had worked hard to find a place like that. She had tried hard to flesh it out, to make it hers. And now every time she would go there she would think. She would keep the rest of the world out and lock in the part of her she didn’t want. Every day, no matter if it was rainy, if it was sunny, if it was cold or warm, she would go in there at exactly the same time. She would stay there for as long as it was needed to feel reborn.
Today though something was wrong. She didn’t feel like the world had stayed out, she couldn’t leave her anxious part in there. Someone had violated her place. Someone had disturbed the fine balance of the environment and her mentality. There was no evidence that would give the change away, but she sensed it. It was there, shipping through her body, vibrating deep inside her. Everything was in the spot she had placed them, and yet everything had moved. This time she had to retreat from her retreat. She had to let everything as it was, no peace for her tired mind and body tonight.
During the following night and day, she could not focus. She felt like she had a stone tied around her throat. She could not sleep, it was filled with dreams. She never dreamed. She could not have breakfast. She always enjoyed her coffee and toast. She talked harshly to her employee. She never lost temper. She run five kilometers that night. She always run ten kilometers. Her life had lost its pattern, her safe routine had crumbled. It was urgent to get back her safe house.
The life all around her was going on, the autumn was on full rage. Rain was dripping down the dead leaves with a monotonous noise. Who would have thought that the weather would match her feelings? Who would have thought that she would find the rain surprisingly understanding? Could nature be understanding? Why was she thinking all that? What had changed? She was always in control ofher life, of every aspect of it. She never let her feelings, her thoughts, her world go out of her control. Whatever might endanger her discipline was left in that room. She needed her room back.
On the same time as always, she entered her safe room. She hoped for peace, she hoped for loneliness. Instead she got the same weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong, something had changed. Despair entered her heart and tears filled her eyes. And then it happened. On the moment control was lost, she heard it. A soft purr came from the corner. A soft, low purr coming from the corner. She approached carefully the dark corner, and sat on the ground. When she grabbed the disturbance in her balance, she could not believe it. A kitten, a small black kitten. The poor thing was starved and wet. It looked in a worse state than her emotional stability.
“Oh, poor kitten…where did you come from? And why are you all wet? Did you want to go out of the rain?” she picked it up and scratched it behind the ears. “Probably because of a broken window… I can find it tomorrow. For now I will clean and feed you”. And then she could restore her control, hide from the word again, every day, she could leave whatever she needed behind, and take with her only what she wanted.