Desperate

You came close behind me behind and you touched. Your touch was light and brief but still it made my heart race. You dragged me close to you; I could smell the alcohol in your breath. I could never imagine it, I never dreamed that I would be standing so close to you, not even in my wildest dreams. I had hidden in the darkest corners of my heart my thirst for your touch.

And then you did it. You kissed me. It was just a brief brush of our lips, nothing more, nothing less. And then you waited. You looked deep into my eyes and you waited. How can you count the time in situations like that? Do you count the heartbeats? My heart has stopped. Do you count the breaths we take? I forgot how to breathe. Or do you count the seconds you need till you convince yourself to do it again?

I will never know how you measure time; I might have reached a conclusion or maybe not. You leaned forward again and you kissed me again. You did the same thing but it was not the same. This time you kissed deeply, and intensively. You hold me so close to your body that I could not tell anymore where I stopped and where you started. I was part of you and you were part of me.

Our kiss went on and on. For how long? I cannot tell. I forgot how to measure time, how to breathe and how to live. I could only feel, sense, breathe our kiss. It was all that I wanted and all that I hated. It was not passionate or caring. It was needy and desperate. Desperate because we did not know what to do, what we wanted. Desperate because we wanted it all and nothing at the same time. Desperate because we knew it could not and should not go on. Desperate because our first kiss would be our last.

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